Demons - Do We Harbor Them?

At our last group session, we started talking about demons! We just barely got started with an animated discussion, and it was time to go. So we are carrying this session forward, and it will become our topic for the meeting of Thursday, March 20. Here's a preview:

It is said that some people carry "demons" that prevent them from maintaining a healthy weight. These demons may include issues or traumas, past or present, that occupy a person's mind. It is also said that until people face and conquer these demons, they won't achieve their weight goals...or achieve their full potential in ANY area.

Here are our questions:

• What do you think are examples of such "demons?"
• What does one do to get rid of a demon?
• What are the demons you personally have experienced?

Does a person have to have a demon to have a weight problem? Probably not! It's completely possible to have settled into a pattern of beheviors that shoot you in the foot without having some underlying problem - I guess. But none of us would chose obesity! So why do we keep doing the very things that sabottage ourselves?

Please give these questions your consideration, and we'll take it up again on March 20. Remember, nobody is required to share their deepest secrets. But perhaps someone's story will help the rest of us.

Keep up the good work.
We're all in this together.
Linda Gromko, MD

Week 11: Stepping Up to Bat - for Ourselves!

In our baseball metaphor, we recognize that life pitches us fair balls, strikes, walks, fast balls - and we don't know what we'll be facing as we step up to the plate. We don't have any control over what's pitched to us. But we do have control over our general preparedness, and we do have control over our responses!

So, how do we prepare ourselves as we step up to the plate when we have at least some idea of what we're facing? At our last group, we discussed the following questions. A sample of our responses follow.

1. What things do you do to prepare yourself as you face a significant challenge? How do you get ready?

• "I remember before my medical school interview, I practiced every interview question I could imagine - out loud and in my car. By the time the interview actually came, there wasn't much that could derail me."
• "Mentally prepare: think 'I deserve to be here.'"
• "Think through it: imagine the right way and visualize success."
• "Have all necessary supplies ready."
• "Prepare the environment; how can I make the task easier?"
• "Learn as much as possible about what to expect; talk to people and read on-line."
• "Study the problem. Understand what's needed for success. Make a plan and test it, and modify it until success is achieved!"

You get the picture, this group is prepared. We set ourselves up to be successful!

                        

2. What things have you done to prepare yourself for your Weight Management challenge? (Also, what things do you do every day to prepare yourself?)

Here were some of our ideas:

• "Have water and snacks on hand."
• "Be our own best friend."
• "Focus on food preparation. Have your food ready and avoid impulse purchases."
• "Make lifestyle changes."
• "Cut back on soda."
• "Cut back on TV time - and especially eating in front of the TV."
• "Change my shopping habits."
• "Don't let 'bad' food in the house."
• "Find the best recording tool for yourself, e.g 'My Fitness Pal,' etc."
• "Tell my husband what to expect - and how to help me."
• "Eat protein for breakfast."
• "Work on other rewarding activities, besides food."
• "Clean out old clothes; buying new things can be a reward."
• "Plan for exercise. Take exercise clothes in the car."
• "Bring my own food to work for lunch and snacks."
• "Throw away foods that threaten my resolve; dump the cashews!"

Certainly, there are many things we can do to stack the odds in our favor. We've done it in our work; we've done this professionally. And we've done it effectively.

Now, the challenge is to transfer this preparedness - even preparedness for the unexpected - into our Weight Management.

A couple of members noted privately to me that there are specific demons that have held them back - sort of like a sprinter with a weight belt! It's time to examine our own demons - if this applies.

Take care. Remember, we're all in this together!
Linda Gromko, MD

Week 10: Being Our Own "Best Friends Forever"

Last week, we posed the question: "if your best friend were exactly in your situation, what would you do to support him/her?"

Our creative group had no difficulty exploring this.

In fact, we were quite good! We were non-judgmental. We listened. We asked how we could best help them. We had coffee with them. We walked around Greenlake with them. We made a special effort not to undermine their efforts - even when we didn't quite agree. We supported them, as long as their actions weren't harmful to them.

We need this kind of friend!

Linda with BFF Andrew Faulk, MD
(with whom she shared a cadaver table in med school)



 

So how can we be this kind of friend...to ourselves? What stands in our way?

Here are some things the group came up with:

• We are already busy supporting ourselves by self-medicating with food - which, in turn, undermines our health
• We allow our stresses - like work, family - to get in our way
• We don't have the time for ourselves that we might readily give to a BFF
• We harbor negative thoughts and feelings, and we talk to ourselves in negative ways
• We don't stick up for ourselves
• We don't make the effort to be as "nice" to ourselves as we would be to our BFF
• We don't trust, admire, or respect ourselves enough
• We are perfectionists - of ourselves, but not so much of others
• We fear that after putting in the work to succeed, we may find that our lives won't be that much "better"
• We fear disappointing ourselves...again
• We see that if we lost weight, etc., that we would have to address our other issues
• We don't reframe our own self-beliefs (e.g. "I am a person who exercises" rather than "I only exercise when I have to")
• We may not think we deserve a BFF!

So, perhaps we need a "friend make-over!" Check out the list above and see what might apply to you. Then, make it a point to find yourself a non-food treat - as BFF Kim and I are doing in the photo above.

This week, we'll get back to the basics of running our bases. So start by preparing yourself to go to bat...this time, for yourself.

Remember, we're all in this together!
Linda Gromko, MD

Week 9: Back to Reality, and That's Just Fine!

I am back from a magnificent journey to Bangkok, and happily readjusting to my world. In addition to an appropriate amount of information on transgender health, here's what I learned:

• I can fly! (I've been flight phobic for years, though never let it limit me.) But the trip involved 20 hours of travel each way. I knew that I'd grown up a lot when I heard myself think, "Turbulence, how soothing!"
• Knowing a little of the language helps.
• Most of the people traveling were younger. It made me think that international travel is for the young, or at least for the physically fit! Another incentive to exercise and stay strong.
• Travel-related recreational eating is fine, as long as it doesn't contnue at home - and it hasn't!

Linda relaxing on a dinner cruise in Bangkok



 

So, back at home. At the last Weight Management Support Group I attended, we discussed the question, "If your best friend were exactly in the situation you're in, what would you do/say to support them?"

We had plenty of ideas. We are, after all, a group of smart, creative high-achievers.

This week's session will deal with how we can be better best friends to ourselves.

We're all in this together.
Linda Gromko, MD

Week 8: No Spanx in Bangkok!

Greetings from Bangkok, where I have been attending the conference of the World Professional Association for Transgender Care.

It's absolutely beautiful here, and I have had three Thai massages: a 120 minute treatment cost me $30.00. Heaven.

The food has been quite heavenly, also. And I have left the Spanx at home, and gone off the grid completely!

Yes, there have been little pancakes with chocolate elephant designs perfectly embossed within. There have been pastries, and I have eaten more cookies than I have eaten in the last 5 years.

So where does this put me in my "Running the Bases" model?

First base: "Attitude and Intention." Well, I intended to enjoy Bangkok and not be so constrained as to disrespect this wonderful journey.

Second base: "Habits and Behaviors." Walking has stayed in the mix, and I have consumed enormous amounts of fresh watermelon and pineapple.

 Third Base: "Self Nurturing." Here, I've achieved HONORS! Three massages - so far, a lovely wool shawl from the Jim Thompson House, and - get this, a handmade quilt with elephants on it - purchased at a tiny market across the river from the hotel.

Home Base: "Reassessment/Self Talk." This is where the drill becomes really critical. If I can happily say, "Yes, I went off the grid for a conference/vacation, but I'm rowing the day after I get back," I'll be perfectly fine. A little damage control needed? You bet. But the point is, if I know I can go off the grid, and keep running those bases, I'm still in the game!

Besides, I know where the Spanx are kept.

Take care,
We're all in this together.

Linda Gromko, MD

Week 7: Happy Valentine's Day!

Last week's group focused on the important question:

"If your best friend were exactly in your situation, what would you do to support him/her?"

It's not an easy question. How do we support anyone? What do we say or do when a friend is struggling?

As always, our talented group of truly gifted individuals had plenty of ideas. Here's a sample:

"Take it slowly, and be happy with the progress you make. Any progress is better than none. Think about how weight loss will enrich your life. It'll be hard, but you can do it. Keep yourself honest: write down your food and exercise daily. Make sure your relationships are with people, not with food."

 

"I love you just as you are, but I understand this is painful. You are not alone. I believe in you and will help you in any way I can. I care about you and want you to succeed. You can do this! It's a process, and it makes sense to make small changes slowly. Remember, you can't change forty years of habits in a blink!"

 

 

"Many people equate more and better food with more and better success! Let go of this idea. Bring the same intent and quality to your food and lifestyle that do bring to you professional work."



 

 

"I would ask her what she needs to feel supported, rather than giving her what I think she needs. I would try not to pass judgement, and give her honest feedback - if she asked for it."

 

"I would tell her to: 1) trust her gut, 2) play to her strengths, 3) maintain the behaviors that support her weight management, like exercise, and 4) have the courage to follow the message, "Do the best you can and love will back you up!"

 

 

***

 

Well, no surprise. This exercise is a therapy tool. Of course, your "best friend" could and should be you! So on this Valentine's Day, think of this exercise. Not just as it applies to weight management -but as it applies to the many ways in which we support ourselves, or perhaps, miss the opportunity to do so.

 

I'll be in Thailand this coming week for the WPATH conference, so no group on February 13. On February 20, our group member and colleague, Donna Henderson, has graciously agreed to facilitate the group. Thank you, Donna.

 

Have a wonderful week, and make sure you get yourself a supportive Valentine's Day treat! Just like you'd do for your best friend!

 

We're all in this together.

Linda Gromko, MD

Week 6: We Resent Having to Worry About Weight, but...

Sometimes, it feels like we do everything right. We don't smoke, we don't drink to excess. There's no heroine in our collective bloodstream. We vote, we pay our bills, we get to work on time and we do our work effectively. Some of us even floss.

Yet, we don't have the luxury of eating casually. We eat with consequences: guilt, feeling deprived, suffering health problems that come with being too heavy. We have anything BUT a casual relationship with food!

This highlighted a sense of resentment for one of our members. She was very clear: it wasn't a resentment of the people who seem to eat anything they want. More, it was a resentment of the "fate" of having to be so vigilant.

And even though she has lost a significant amount of weight, the work doesn't seem to balance out the benefits - at least not yet.

We asked if there might be a parallel somewhere else in her life where she had had to really work, to sacrifice, to make things right.


And sadly, an abusive childhood had led her straight into therapy for many years! Now that she's dealt with this ("it is what it is"), she does great with life in general, though she will have an occasional mental health tune-up (therapy session) when she feels the need. Resentment about this issue doesn't occupy much mindshare.

The point is, she's come to terms with facts that weren't the way she wanted them to be - but has found ways to maintain stellar mental well-being. She's done her work and knows what she needs to do for self-care.

This seems like an excellent example of running the bases: she approached her childhood issues with 1) attitude and intention, 2) habits and behaviors, and 3) self-nurturing. And she keeps on running - modifying her self-care behaviors as needed - and not allowing her background to interfere with a full and happy life.

My hope is that someday we'll see our weight issues as manageable - just like this mental health issue has been managed. Not with resentment (which would be understandable), but with practical self-knowledge of just what it is that we need to do to stay on track.

Next week's exercise - which we haven't discussed yet - is:
"If your best friend were exactly in your situation, what would you do to demonstrate your support?"

We're all in this together.
Linda Gromko, MD
www.LindaGromkoMD.com