Week 14: A Tame Little Exorcism is a Start!

Here is the exercise we did last week, having named a variety of our collective and personal demons:

"We hypothesize that there are "demons" that prevent us from maintaining a healthy weight. Pick a demon from the blog (last week's entry) that applies to you - even in a minor way.

Now, write a brief note to that demon, and explain to it what - if any - function it might have served for you at one time. You may even wish to express your gratitude for that service. Most importantly, explain to your demon why you would like it to go away now, and forever."

 

 

Here are a few of our Demon Letters:

 

"Dear Demon of Positive Strokes Through Food,

Go away. I have enjoyed the positive strokes. They felt good. But go away. I've got enough other - and better - sources of positive strokes."

 

and another:

 

"In the past, resentment gave me the illusion of power in a situation where I was unsafe and, in actuality, powerless. It was safe to feel resentment - no one could see the feeling. And I could feel at least somewhat powerful and in control by acknowleging the strong feeling, but not acting on it. I wanted to do many things to punish my abuser but was strong enough not to destroy my future by acting on those impulses. It was an appropriate coping mechanism - given my realities then.

 

"Resentment no longer serves me well - I am safe and powerful and can take care of myself. I can say out loud what needs to be said. I have the freedom to make the choices I want - positive or negative. I no longer have to define myself in terms of opposition to someone else."

 

Here's another:

 

Food as a demon:

"Dear Food:

On one hand I want to exorcise you - at the same time, I need you. The beauty of OPTIFAST was that I could, in many ways, exorcise myself from food - knowing that only program "food" was allowed. In many ways, that was a tremendous relief.

 

"But food...real food (not the highly processed and refined and chemically altered junk food I am so often attracted to)...I want to think of you not as a demon, but as a friend. Someone who can be my partner in good health.

 

"If I could partner with whole foods and exorcise refined junk foods, that would be a gift."

 

And finally,

 

"Dear Demon,

You - the arbitor of correct function and academic excellence - assisted me in the pursuit of scholastic achievement and even getting into professional school. But the perfectionism you required and the continual criticism and comparisons between me and other people have decreased the enjoyment of my life, and limited my sense of self worth. While I recognize that perfectionism occasionally has its place, you are no longer relevant in my life.

 

"Therefore, I thank you for any service you may have provided, and require that you leave my life now and forever."

 

Interesting thoughts!

 

One group member commented that she could have written a letter to nearly every demon on last week's list. By all means, do that!

 

As a personal note, I'm always interested in the way we sigh briefly when assigned an exercise, and then write like mad! Kind of telling, I think. We've got stuff to say.

 

Remember, we're all in this together.

Take care,

 

Linda Gromko, MD

Week 13: Naming the Demons Before We Exorcise Them

As usual, we had an animated session last week. Our challenge was to give examples of "demons" that prevent people from maintaining a healthy weight. Here's a short list - see if any apply to you:

• A personal history of sexual assault
• A personal history of parental neglect
• Stress
• Fear of failure
• Dealing - or rather, not dealing - with gender dysphoria ("If I'm heavy, I can't transition")
• Need for comfort
• Shame - never feeling good enough
• never a good enough mother
• never a good enough parther
• never fit enough
• never consistent enough
• never committed enough
• never thin enough
• Criticism and judgment
• Fear of being personally rejected ("It's easier to be rejected because I'm heavy than to be rejected because of who I am.")
• Low self esteem
• Depression
• Having been truly hungry as a child
• Having been bullied/taunted when younger
• Loss of friends, family, partner from any means
• Addiction - personal or in family of origin
• Frustration with the pace of desired change
• Resentment of other people who appear to have it better.

One commonality among demons is that we feel the need to be protected from them - to be insulated from the pain they cause. Sometimes, that protection - in the form of food - served us well for a while.

A young woman in literal danger of sexual assault might think she'd be less at risk if overweight. And perhaps her overweight really did serve her at one time - just not now.

A transgender teen might see transitioning to the correct gender as being impossible. Extra weight might protect him/her from "going there," - a process which seems so difficult as to be just a dream. Later, the extra weight doesn't serve, and the gender issues remain.

We also discussed the way food itself can become a demon. Always everywhere, food beacons. It's there at every celebration, every lonely moment. It's our addiction, our requirement, our ever-present reward. But this "demon" is necessary for us to live - provided the demon is managed. 

We also discussed that food is manufactured in such a way as to be purpsefully addictive, i.e., laden with carbohydrates and refined sugar that keeps us coming back for more - even when we don't even want it!

In tomorrow's group, we'll be inviting some of our demons to leave!
Should be interesting.

Remember, we're all in this together.
Linda Gromko, MD

Demons - Do We Harbor Them?

At our last group session, we started talking about demons! We just barely got started with an animated discussion, and it was time to go. So we are carrying this session forward, and it will become our topic for the meeting of Thursday, March 20. Here's a preview:

It is said that some people carry "demons" that prevent them from maintaining a healthy weight. These demons may include issues or traumas, past or present, that occupy a person's mind. It is also said that until people face and conquer these demons, they won't achieve their weight goals...or achieve their full potential in ANY area.

Here are our questions:

• What do you think are examples of such "demons?"
• What does one do to get rid of a demon?
• What are the demons you personally have experienced?

Does a person have to have a demon to have a weight problem? Probably not! It's completely possible to have settled into a pattern of beheviors that shoot you in the foot without having some underlying problem - I guess. But none of us would chose obesity! So why do we keep doing the very things that sabottage ourselves?

Please give these questions your consideration, and we'll take it up again on March 20. Remember, nobody is required to share their deepest secrets. But perhaps someone's story will help the rest of us.

Keep up the good work.
We're all in this together.
Linda Gromko, MD

Week 11: Stepping Up to Bat - for Ourselves!

In our baseball metaphor, we recognize that life pitches us fair balls, strikes, walks, fast balls - and we don't know what we'll be facing as we step up to the plate. We don't have any control over what's pitched to us. But we do have control over our general preparedness, and we do have control over our responses!

So, how do we prepare ourselves as we step up to the plate when we have at least some idea of what we're facing? At our last group, we discussed the following questions. A sample of our responses follow.

1. What things do you do to prepare yourself as you face a significant challenge? How do you get ready?

• "I remember before my medical school interview, I practiced every interview question I could imagine - out loud and in my car. By the time the interview actually came, there wasn't much that could derail me."
• "Mentally prepare: think 'I deserve to be here.'"
• "Think through it: imagine the right way and visualize success."
• "Have all necessary supplies ready."
• "Prepare the environment; how can I make the task easier?"
• "Learn as much as possible about what to expect; talk to people and read on-line."
• "Study the problem. Understand what's needed for success. Make a plan and test it, and modify it until success is achieved!"

You get the picture, this group is prepared. We set ourselves up to be successful!

                        

2. What things have you done to prepare yourself for your Weight Management challenge? (Also, what things do you do every day to prepare yourself?)

Here were some of our ideas:

• "Have water and snacks on hand."
• "Be our own best friend."
• "Focus on food preparation. Have your food ready and avoid impulse purchases."
• "Make lifestyle changes."
• "Cut back on soda."
• "Cut back on TV time - and especially eating in front of the TV."
• "Change my shopping habits."
• "Don't let 'bad' food in the house."
• "Find the best recording tool for yourself, e.g 'My Fitness Pal,' etc."
• "Tell my husband what to expect - and how to help me."
• "Eat protein for breakfast."
• "Work on other rewarding activities, besides food."
• "Clean out old clothes; buying new things can be a reward."
• "Plan for exercise. Take exercise clothes in the car."
• "Bring my own food to work for lunch and snacks."
• "Throw away foods that threaten my resolve; dump the cashews!"

Certainly, there are many things we can do to stack the odds in our favor. We've done it in our work; we've done this professionally. And we've done it effectively.

Now, the challenge is to transfer this preparedness - even preparedness for the unexpected - into our Weight Management.

A couple of members noted privately to me that there are specific demons that have held them back - sort of like a sprinter with a weight belt! It's time to examine our own demons - if this applies.

Take care. Remember, we're all in this together!
Linda Gromko, MD

Week 10: Being Our Own "Best Friends Forever"

Last week, we posed the question: "if your best friend were exactly in your situation, what would you do to support him/her?"

Our creative group had no difficulty exploring this.

In fact, we were quite good! We were non-judgmental. We listened. We asked how we could best help them. We had coffee with them. We walked around Greenlake with them. We made a special effort not to undermine their efforts - even when we didn't quite agree. We supported them, as long as their actions weren't harmful to them.

We need this kind of friend!

Linda with BFF Andrew Faulk, MD
(with whom she shared a cadaver table in med school)



 

So how can we be this kind of friend...to ourselves? What stands in our way?

Here are some things the group came up with:

• We are already busy supporting ourselves by self-medicating with food - which, in turn, undermines our health
• We allow our stresses - like work, family - to get in our way
• We don't have the time for ourselves that we might readily give to a BFF
• We harbor negative thoughts and feelings, and we talk to ourselves in negative ways
• We don't stick up for ourselves
• We don't make the effort to be as "nice" to ourselves as we would be to our BFF
• We don't trust, admire, or respect ourselves enough
• We are perfectionists - of ourselves, but not so much of others
• We fear that after putting in the work to succeed, we may find that our lives won't be that much "better"
• We fear disappointing ourselves...again
• We see that if we lost weight, etc., that we would have to address our other issues
• We don't reframe our own self-beliefs (e.g. "I am a person who exercises" rather than "I only exercise when I have to")
• We may not think we deserve a BFF!

So, perhaps we need a "friend make-over!" Check out the list above and see what might apply to you. Then, make it a point to find yourself a non-food treat - as BFF Kim and I are doing in the photo above.

This week, we'll get back to the basics of running our bases. So start by preparing yourself to go to bat...this time, for yourself.

Remember, we're all in this together!
Linda Gromko, MD